Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
