I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
