So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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