Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
