Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
