Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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