..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Boobs speak an international language.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
