Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
