Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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