i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
