I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
There's always time for handjobs
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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