Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
My cat gives me a boner
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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