Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
