Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
