She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
