The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
