Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
