Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
