I feel like abortions should bother me more
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
