and you said cock pushups were impossible
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
