i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
