god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
