somebody snuck up and got me drunk
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
