i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
