i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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