the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
