I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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