My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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