I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I can't turn off my feet"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
