Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
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The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
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I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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