One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
