Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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