the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
