god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
grandma shit on top of the toilet
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize