Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
