I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
