I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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