do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize