we're blogging at a bar
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
