Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
