wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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