i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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