I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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