Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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