he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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