last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
