btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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