my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
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She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
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Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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