Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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