Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
