Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
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My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
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A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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