She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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