well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
