how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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