The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
