About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
