he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
