all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She bit a glass in half.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize