is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My bed smells like the plague
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
