That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
