I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
