We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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