the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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