we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
