She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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