I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
