Christians are straight up FREAKS
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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