The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
