how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
