He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
i think im in europe. pls send help
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
