the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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