Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
