Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
