She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize