he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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