We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
