remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
