I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Randomize
